‘You can find yourself if you decide to finally start.’

IMG_0079The last three months (have I really been twenty for three months? How is that possible?) have been a time of extraordinary personal growth. It was a nearly overnight ‘growth spurt’ – I rolled out of bed on my birthday, and I knew things. It’s as though the advice and wisdom I had accumulated by left unused during my teen years blossomed inside me while I slept, and when I woke up, I did a novel thing – I tried. I stopped doing things by half-measures. If I saw a step that could be taken, I took it. If I saw a way to help, I helped. I began reading more non-fiction, and the fiction I did read was higher-quality and stretched my mind. It’s been a real learning curve, and I don’t foresee myself getting off it anytime soon; but I believe, as the Celts believed, that life is a spiral; not a straight line. The curve will never stop as long as I allow myself to keep trying.

I’ve always had the large problem of being observant but lazy. I would see things I needed to fix in myself, yet I never did anything about them. I was missing the step between knowing and putting into action and somewhere along the way, I took it. (I was probably pushed.)

A lot of the people I’ve known have been in the boat with me, of seeing and knowing and just not doing; and I think a large part of that is because we, as human beings, don’t want to look as if we have no idea what we’re doing. We want to appear in control, we want the people around us to think we have it all figured out. That’s a load of fei wu. Looking smooth is something you have to sacrifice if you ever want to grow. You can’t get anywhere without first being a beginner at something. If you refuse to do things for the sake of your image, you’re going to remain where you are, desiring to get better and never having the guts. It’s not enough to want to be good; you have to be willing to get better. I can tell you firsthand that since I had my odd little ‘enlightenment,’ I’ve been happier – and not just happier, but joyful and content in the knowledge that I’m listening to God’s leading and trying to follow him, no matter how clumsy my steps are. I probably look like an awkward baby turtle on the outside, but amazing things are happening on the inside. I’ve been reading more, taking more pictures, I finally began vlogging (something I’d been meaning to do for ages) and I’m actually getting off my gluteus maximus and exercising daily – routines, dance choreography, small workouts throughout the day, and tomorrow I’m starting a 40+ minute workout, which I’ll have to get up at 6:00 to accomplish.

I’m not telling you this to point at myself and say ‘look how good I’m doing’ – I’m telling you this because I’ve been a negative example to myself for so long, and now, slowly, I’m becoming a positive one. It didn’t take much – it simply took the step from bystander to action-taker. I want to tell you to not be afraid of looking foolish. Nobody ever started something as an expert.

In order to change,

change.

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7 thoughts on “‘You can find yourself if you decide to finally start.’

  1. I don’t think that “enlightenment” period has happened to me yet at 25. :( (Well just turned. Probably mostly still 24.) maybe it’s just personality types and yet I feel every day every little bit since I’ve been retreating inside myself, unsure of how quite sure to get out. Always wanting to try something (like the youth group or the Ceramics group at church.) or volunteer at the animal shelter…. But certainly to afraid to try.

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  2. I love this so much. Like I do all your posts. This is so true though! And usually, it seems people get that sort of mental growth spurt over a long time (when it’s too late), so I’m so proud of you for jumping on that pony when you got the urge if that makes sense. :) Thanks for being so encouraging. ^_^

    And good luck with those exercises. :P

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  3. Thank you for this, Mirriam! A timely post for me, as I’m soon entering the workforce and it’s all brand new and at times a tiny bit scary. ‘Nobody ever started something as an expert’ — I needed to hear that! :)
    The way you ended the post reminded me of a John C. Maxwell quote: “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”

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  4. I’m not sure anyone could take this as a ‘look at me’ post, Mirri. You’re so sweet and humble and giving, and it’s easy to take your posts in the spirit you write them and not take them the wrong way.

    Because everything you write here is easy to identify with, because every girl goes through this, I think… that strange transition from teen to adult, and you just wake up and realise… ‘oh! This all makes sense now. I GET it.’ And you start doing instead of ‘wishing’ you did. If you know what I mean…? :)

    This was an awesome post and very encouraging, because as twenty+ year olds it’s easy to want to slide and let things go, but of course we can’t.

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    1. If you want an exercise routine (I’m now an advocate of this one. I’ve never been an advocate of any other routine in my life) – T-Tapp is AMAZING. It’s only 15 minutes (17 if you include one more step) and it’s amazing! I’m already noticing a difference and I’ve only been doing it steadily for a week.

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