//you can’t hurry love, no, you’ll just have to wait

I’m single.

I’ve never dated, courted, or whatever you want to call it.

It isn’t because I have something against guys – some of my best friends are guys. It just hasn’t ever happened. And I never really cared much until about a year ago, when some kind of rose-colored lightning struck and the majority of my friends began to split off into couples. Before I realized what was going on, people were dating, getting engaged, and tying the knot left and right, and suddenly I felt very…

Well, not lonely. Not unhappy. Not even discontent, per se. But now I was aware that I didn’t have a significant other, and it made me wonder – was something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough, not interesting enough? Was it because I wasn’t spiritually perfect yet? Was I destined for life in the dreaded friendzone?

One of my guy friends asked me today if it was just his friends who were all getting romantically involved. I told him nope, it’s everywhere. Somewhere a memo was sent, and we missed it.

Yesterday, feeling sick and miserable, I curled up with some coffee and Runaway Bride. In the movie, Maggie runs from her true love at the altar, and they spend the next few months apart, wondering what went wrong. It’s what Maggie does with her time that stood out to me – she doesn’t wallow. She hangs out with her friends, she takes up jogging, she figures out what kind of eggs she likes to eat. Instead of drowning in self-pity, she discovers who she is. She uses the time to get to know herself. Because of this, she’s able to confront her fiancée and ask him to marry her again, without fear or uncertainty, because they both know what they’re getting into.

So what if you’re single? Use your singleness. Get to know yourself. Grow. Focus on your relationships with God and your family and your friends. Try painting. Read books. Work on being a better person. Use your time to better yourself, to find new interests, focus on talents. Don’t stop living just because you can’t update your Facebook relationship status.

Let life happen. It’s okay being single. I promise.

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14 thoughts on “//you can’t hurry love, no, you’ll just have to wait

  1. I love this so much. Relationships are energy-draining (even friendships). AND CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW AWKWARD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE? LIKE, JUST SO WEIRD. Maybe that’s just me. *shrugs* But thank you for this. ^_^ I’ve noticed so many people getting engaged. O_o

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  2. I love you. That is all.

    Being single is awesome. Confusing at times, yes. But awesome.

    I love this post. People should know this and stop panicking over their singleness. Sure, I want a boyfriend… But not just to ‘have’ one.

    Being in a relationship is a huge deal, not just a Facebook status.

    There’s time for all that romance stuff in the future, along with more sunsets, pancakes and bright nail polishes.

    <3

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  3. That’s very true, Miriam!!! It didn’t bother me at first, since I truly had no envy for the peers I know who were getting married, but the “dreaded joy-snatcher” does kind of creep up on you! ;-)
    Though it is easy to let oneself “feel lonely” as we are oft reminded of the “brass ring” others are finding, it doesn’t actually suit. Comparison is so easy to do, but always a false lens to look through. No one really is “comparable” to you particular path!
    I often remind myself of the saying “If we all threw our troubles in a heap, we would each gladly take our own back and go away.” ;-)
    And I have not yet watched a relationship that was so perfect I wished it was me instead of someone else. Therefore, I’m left reminded that I must still be holding out for the one the Lord has in mind for me! ;-)

    And definitely; be as busy as you can in singleness. Every moment is irrecoverable… and you don’t want to wish you’d spent any of them “better”… so concentrate on spending them each the best way you can! :-)

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  4. Mirriam you never cease to inspire me. I’ve been feeling the same way: I’m 19 and have never dated/courted, and though I’ve always wanted a significant other, my singleness never really “hit” me until recently, and with being in college and friends hooking up, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is there something wrong with me?” But what helped me come to terms with it was trusting that God has the Right One for me, and if I trust Him and be obedient to Him, He will “give me the desires of my heart.” ^_^ That’s how I see it.

    (P.S. Runaway Bride is one of my absolute favorite “chick flicks” and as soon as I read your title I squealed with delight. :D)

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  5. this made me feel really warm and fuzzy and happy.
    I don’t struggle with singleness, but I am a romantic person, so I’m aware of the potential heartache.
    so your words encouraged me :)

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  6. *hugs mirriam tightly* At least it’s nice to know someone understands when my facebook is filled with wedding pics, engagements and baby pics. (especially awkward for me is by people who I knew in grade school who were younger, or some grades below…or both.)

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  7. Me too Mir, being 20 and still single,never dated or anything. Its hard because people act like there is something wrong with you. I am actually okay with it though, and while I entertain the idea that I might one day fall in love. I’ll be okay if I don’t. I enjoy my singleness, but it’s super nice to know that there is other girls like me out there. Thank you for writing this.

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  8. Yes! Exactly! You articulated this so well! I have a number of friends dating, and while I celebrate with them, I’m not there yet. . . And it’s good. I know I need this time to grow personally and spiritually. :)

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  9. You put my feelings into words really well. I’ve had that moment, when you become “aware” that you’re not with someone, and what that means.

    I go through phases. Sometimes I want someone, sometimes I’m perfectly happy alone. Right now I’m in the latter. And happy.

    Single is freedom. :)

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  10. This. is. PERFECT. (Rose-colored lightning. I love it) Mirriam… you go, girl. I’m glad you posted this. So many girls out there are wondering “Why not me?” and they need to hear/read this. I’m the ripe old age of 23 and have only been in one relationship… which was definitely a learning experience… so yeah. Being single for a season is more than ok. And you are SO not the only one. GROUP HUG, YA’LL!

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