un changement en mieux


It’s inevitable. The very second a circumstance dictates you cannot do a thing, that thing becomes the most important thing in your life and you have to do it.  It itches under your skin and you contrive every possible way to get that thing done, circumstances be hanged! A little annoyance like a pinched nerve ain’t gonna boss you around, no ma’am. It’s a classic case of the proverbial grass always being greener on the dubious other side, except you already know you like this grass and it is, in fact, greener. I want to be drawing. I want to be writing. I know I like doing these things. I know they’re important to me. I know my soul needs to do them. I also know that my ulna nerve has different ideas, and I have to cater to these ideas until the problem goes away.

I moped for a week. For an entire week, I was depressed and moody. This is not my usual modus operandi. I’m nobody’s Pollyanna, but I’m generally positive and content. A week of Eeyore was tiring, and the day before yesterday, I decided I had to snap out of it. The black cloud over my head was only getting bigger, and it was starting to rain on everyone else.

I decided there was more to life than art and writing. I mean, I’d always known this secretly, but…what was there? Well, it’s been about three days and let me tell you what I’ve accomplished.

I’m reading. I’ve finally gotten around to reading Three Cups of Tea and Miracles by C. S. Lewis, as well as finishing Dune. I’m reading through the New Testament epistles and enjoying it because I don’t feel like I have something ‘better’ to be doing.

I’m devoting more attention to people around me. I’m very good at creating a perfect bubble and sitting inside it, surrounded by books and faced with my computer, and I don’t really need anything else. But if you take away my art and my writing, you pull a rug right out from under me and pop the bubble with a needle.

I like taking pictures, so I’ve been taking more of them. Why not? After all, it’s a good time to practice, right?

I went on a walk. Of my own accord. Not even joking.

Tonight, I’m going to see Strange Magic with a new friend. Wow, look at me, making plans and going places and paying for stuff and adulting all over the place.

I created a new dessert. It’s simple, but it was fun and delicious.

I got a new hair cut/style (a lob, for scaredy-cats) and I love it.

I’ve discovered I’m addicted to lattes, and I’ve been experimenting with those, too. Vanilla? Honey? Cinnamon?

I’ve been studying more art. Not just my stack of art books, but on DeviantArt and around the internet. While it makes my fingers itch because I can’t attempt to use any of the knowledge I’ve learned, I’m storing it up and once I’m healed, there’s going to be a creative storm. Just wait for it.

I’ve fallen in love with Tumblr again. It’s all in who you follow, people. I get so much inspiration and encouragement from my feed that sometimes it’s hard to take it all in. It’s the best kind of drowning.

I’m praying more.

I’m also listening to a lot of Maroon 5, and I’m not even sorry.

Is any of this life-changing, electric stuff? Certainly not. It’s simple, and I like that. For me, they’re changes. And change is something that – while I don’t usually mind it – I don’t seek out. I never schedule and I hate running on anyone’s timetable, but if I clean the house a different day than Friday, I’ll forget to take out the trash on Monday. Go figure.

I guess sometimes all it takes is a few subtracted options, and you discover there have been more waiting for you to notice them. I guess a setback is only a setback if you let it – you know, set you back.

Now all I can hope is that when I’m healed, I remember the learning package that’s hit me in the past few days. Speaking of that, I’m going to visit the chiropractor/miracle worker tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed and pray she’s able to help a girl out.

Stay beautiful.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email