//an open letter to someone

Yesterday I heard from a friend of yours. I was blindsided – I’d never spoken to this person, never seen them before. I didn’t know who they were, but the more they spoke, the more I realized they were talking about you. In fact, I’m a little frightened to write this letter – yesterday wrecked me, and I’m not sure where it came from or how it even began. I hadn’t spoken to you in a long time, not really – a Facebook conversation where you were also present was the extent of it. I thought we were completely through – living separate lives like adults, content to be in the past rather than the present. Your friend was vicious, slamming me with hate and threats. Saying I was a backstabber, a hypocrite. You weren’t. You were polite, but I was still confused. I don’t know what I’ve done except avoid you. We had an amazing friendship once, but it became a burden I could no longer carry, no matter how hard I tried. I know it hurt you. I didn’t want to. I know I said we would be friends forever, but sometimes people change too much and go too far. My idea of a friendship involves, above all else, mutual love and trust. I know I wasn’t always in the right. I know that somehow I mishandled things, that I’m not perfect and there’s a good chance I did or said something wrong that hurt you. Please, please understand that wasn’t my intention. We’re humans, and we’ll always be flawed no matter how much we improve. This is me, saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever to make you feel this way. I’m sorry that your friends hate me. I’m sorry for the unhappiness I’ve caused you. Please believe me when I say the unhappiness has been mutual, and I’ve cried myself dry over it more than once. I can’t change the past, but I can change myself. I can become a better person, a more loving person, a godlier person. I hope you have an amazing life, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart – for whatever that’s worth. Please consider this a complete good-bye. Complete, and clean – as clean as a messy situation can be. I’m so sorry for the way things ended, but they did have to end. I don’t hate you, I’m not angry with you, and when I think of you, I hope you’re doing well. For the mistakes along the way, the misunderstandings, the mishandling of situations – I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, and I’m done. You are a part of my past, for better or worse, but I can’t have you as a part of my future. Please understand that and if you can’t, please at least accept it. I hope I never hear from you again, but I hope you have a wonderful life. I hope you do amazing things, and I hope you have friends in the future who will always be there for you the way I couldn’t be. With shaking hands, I type up the last words I’ll ever say to you. Please be well. Good-bye.

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