Ten Totally Unromantic Romance Clichés That Need to Go Very Far Away

I’m as romantic as the next person, but let’s face it – it’s hard to find a well-written romance in fiction these days. From poorly-written triangles to relationships based solely on sex, it can be difficult to find any kind of fictional romance that doesn’t make me want to slam the book against my forehead before tossing it out the window. A romance, even as a subplot, can make or break a book, and so today I want to touch down on a few of the nastier commonalities found in fictional romances.

Note: As always, these are my opinions and do not reflect the collective opinion of all readers everywhere. You may agree or disagree with my points, and as always, there are exceptions to every rule.

  • Arm-grabbing/dragging. Now this may very well be one of the most iconic tropes in KDrama history, but 99.9% of the time, this ain’t romantic. Dragging a girl around by force isn’t sweet or caring unless you are literally saving her life from an extremely inevitable death. Is an assassin waiting right around the corner and only the guy can see said assassin? Then okay, it’s permissible to drag the girl out of harm’s way. But if a girl gets fed up with a guy and goes to walk away? Then it’s definitely not okay to just grab her arm and haul her away somewhere.
  • Stalking. I will never understand why this one is so popular. Even if it’s a cliché YA story where the FMC is some kind of Important Being and the guy is one of the Only People Who Knows, following her around everywhere she goes is not acceptable. Trailing her around like a creepy person isn’t going to win you any points. If you notice somebody stalking you, call the police. If you don’t notice somebody stalking you and then you find out later that they did, call the police. Don’t just let yourself be stalked. This trope is even worse when it’s the girl’s boyfriend. Ditch him. And do what? Oh yes, call the police.
  • Bullying. This is one of those lines that I see crossed way too often in fiction: the hot, broody boyfriend (who is probably a total jerk, but man are his abs nice) gets angry at his girlfriend for anything and everything. She was speaking to another man? How DARE SHE. She forgot to call him and let him know where she was? HERESY. This bothers the absolute bedazzle out of me. This is the kind of behavior that would make me get a restraining order for this dude.
  • Constant Bickering. To a certain extent, bickering can be fun. If characters have good chemistry and obviously enjoy each other’s company, bickering might even be a kind of love language. But if all a couple does is bicker, that isn’t a sign of a good relationship. It stops being cute and starts being downright annoying. You have to base your relationship on more than the ability to banter and sass, because banter and sass do not a healthy, whole relationship make.
  • Sulking. This is another singularly unattractive trait. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my man sulking every time I disagree with him. It’s childish and shows a distinct lack of maturity. Unfortunately, many authors seem to confuse three words: moody, broody, and sulky. Moody can be an interesting character trait (when it isn’t overdone). Broody is trickier because it’s so easy to slide into sulkiness. Sulkiness is not attractive, nor is it cute, nor is it endearing. Get over yourself, my dude.
  • Miscommunication. UGH, JUST MAKE IT STOP. I’m so weary of this trope, I cannot describe. Listen, I know that misunderstandings happen. They’re a part of life. But when that’s the author’s fallback for creating tension – well, that’s just bad, lazy writing. Now of course nobody wants to open a book just to read about everybody getting along beautifully, but there are much better ways to create tension than miscommunication. Characters need to talk to one another. They need to be truthful sometimes. And honestly, nothing is more annoying than having Character A confess something relatively minor to Character B and having Character B pull the whole ‘I can’t believe you LIED to me, I’m breaking up with you before you have a chance to explain’ shtick. Or any of the related shticks. Honestly, guys, miscommunication happens, but it doesn’t happen every time two people turn around. Please throw some actual understanding in there, or I’m already done with your novel. Which leads me to…
  • ‘For Your Own Good.’ Ah, what a classic. Character A is withholding information from Character B and decides to shove Character B away in order to ‘protect them.’ Well, bully for you, Character A, but chances are Character B is an adult who can make their own decisions and does not need your frankly ridiculous relationship ideas. This only works if Character A realizes they made a wrong choice and repents of said decision. Otherwise, Character A is basically a controlling jerk who probably doesn’t deserve Character B in the first place.

    looking at you (and many other CW characters), Elena
  • Over-protectiveness. This is closely related to the ‘bullying’ point I made, but at least with over-protectiveness I can see where an author would go wrong. An author wants to write a protective guy because it’s a trait they like, but they like it so much that they overdo it, and their character goes from a sweet, caring guy to an overbearing tool. There’s a difference between a classic gentleman opening a door for a lady and said lady finding out that her boyfriend has ordered a limo to pick her up every evening because he doesn’t want her taking a taxi. Or walking. Or driving her own car. That’s just creepy.
  • Triangles. It is extremely rare that a love triangle is both a) plausible and b) acceptable, for several reasons: mainly because love triangles usually fall prey to several terrible clichés. My least-favorite is the indecisiveness of the FMC. Okay, I get it – you have two great guys fighting over you and both are completely different and yeah, you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. But you can be very sure that the second a FMC says something to the effect of ‘I just can’t decide!’ that I’m 500% done with her. Lady, make up your mind. Keeping two guys this attached to you is cruel. Also, if a guy walked up to me and said ‘Hey, I’m in love with you, but I’m also in love with this other chick and I just can’t make up my mind,’ I would probably say ‘I think I can help with that!’ and walk away with zero regrets. Another peeve I have about triangles is the fact that so often there’s no real reason for either guy to be in love with the girl. They might both be magnificent demigods with washboard abs and dreamy eyes, but the gal is probably plain, clumsy, self-deprecating, and about as interesting as a piece of cardboard. Bonus fail points if she’s ‘chosen’ somehow. Double bonus fail points if one third of the triangle just feels ‘like the girl needs protected’ for no actual reason other than she’s literally helpless. (For those of you who adore love triangles and are feeling a little crushed, don’t despair! I’ll be writing a post soon on how to write love triangles that actually work. Stay tuned.)

But enough complaining from me; let’s hear your complaints! Fire away in the comment section and let me know exactly what you see way too often (or not often enough)!


  1. Possesiveness and insecurity. A girl yearns protection and stability in a relationship. Insecurity also means that a man doesn’t believe in himself and is such a turn-off.


  2. Like you said, all of those cliches have exceptions but more times than not – yes!! I read a book with a slightly different love triangle – guy couldn’t decide between two girls. Whom were sisters. And when the dad confronted him, the dad’s reasoning was: “well you better make up your mind cause one of my daughters is getting married to you.” Umm – no?? If he can’t decide, then he doesn’t deserve *either* of them!!

    I really dislike instalove when there is no valid reason behind the relationship. One thing I really like about Asian dramas is the couples often end up filling voids in each other’s lives. Despite whatever reasons exist that try to keep them apart, they usually have very specific reasons they are so perfect for each other, or the relationship develops as they slowly gain insights into each other. I hate when the otp instantly love each other for no valid reason whatsoever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely agree re: Asian dramas. Plus, usually they don’t fall prey to the idea of ‘instalove’ and if they /do/, one half of the instalove couple is usually a wide-eyed teenager. Props to them. I almost discussed instalove here, but I’ve discussed it so often I just gave up and figured if people don’t know better than to write instalove these days, I can’t help them. XD


  3. Aaagh, yes, creepiness turns me way, way off of any book or movie. Like, the older movies (30s, 40s, 50s) where the guy and girl have a fight, the girl turns to leave, the guy grabs her arm and forcefully kisses her, at which point she slaps him and then, instead of running off and never speaking to him again, everything’s good and she then initiates a second kiss. WHYYYYYYY is that considered romantic?
    I hate controlling jerks, too; oh, and women who act like little girls. Are all these stories written by thirteen year olds?
    Don’t get me started about love triangles. Just … don’t. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Instalove doesn’t bother me, as long as the story shows me why and how they grow together. Because some folks do decide that quickly, and go on being content in marriage for 60+ years. Just don’t waffle.


  5. How about less romances between teenagers in general? YA books make me want to throw up when the FMC’s biggest dilemmas are concerning the boys she likes. Teenagers have the capacity to worry about more intelligent things than that.


  6. All of these are pretty annoying but what drives me crazy is miscommunication. I CAN’T STAND IT. The only time I may tentatively approve of it is in an over-the-top comedy, and that’s only if it’s done well and isn’t dragged out too long.


  7. Ugh ugh ugh. Miscommunication HAS to be my least favorite, y’know? It’s not cool, it’s not romantic. It’s just a problem.

    Personally I’m getting real, real tired of the whole “sulky bad boy” trope because #edgy. I need to see more relationships that are genuinely sweet and *good* and respectful. But hey, that could just be me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ugh ugh ugh. Miscommunication needs to STOP. If people just talked to each other there wouldn’t be these scenes where the heroine flies away and the hero has to chase after her in the airport or what have you It’s not interesting, it’s frustrating and a needless plot device.

    Can we also put to death in a pit of spikes the trope where the girl pretends to be less intelligent or talented or strong or etc etc so the boy will like her?? Top examples to me are Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and Annie Get Your Gun. I don’t want to lose or pretend to be stupid so the guy will accept me. If he can’t accept my talents and intelligence, even if it’s greater than his, he’s not the one for me and shouldn’t be for anyone else. UGH.


  9. What happens too much? The bad-boy-is-SO-attractive-and-then-becomes-redeemed thing. Or he doesn’t become redeemed, he just has a MAJOR love place for fill-in-the-blank heroine (maybe she’s fiery and challenges him, maybe she’s meek and draws him with the whole white-maiden thing, or maybe she’s just bitchy and attracts him as a fellow cynic. Either way, it all circles around to the age-old cliche (and classic player line) of bad boy going, “You’re so DIFFERENT from other girls.” Blaaahh. See drippy Nicholas Sparks movie “The Last Song” for a classic example of a just-another-bitchy-girl drawing in a bad boy shtick. And worse, this sets a bad precedent for naive girls IRL. Girls, boys who see you as a target WILL tell you that you’re special, different, and pay extra attention to you; that’s what they do, it’s a game to them. Do NOT buy any treacly words that they suddenly see YOU alone as special, because you’re not special to them; you’re another potential notch on their belt. Run away.


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